The first time when I heard this term from my colleague, I got astonished. I mean, how positivity can be toxic? But, after going through some random stuff on this topic online, I must say that this actually exists in almost every other person.

Definition: “Toxic positivity is the assumption, either by one’s self or others, that despite a person’s emotional pain or difficult situation, they should only have a positive mindset or—my pet peeve term—‘positive vibes.’” – Dr. Jaime Zuckerman, Clinical Psychologist

Although, sometimes, too much optimism can cause mental issues and even end up putting you in trouble especially when the situation is “YOU.” The last line might have put you in a baffling state. Right? Well, let’s understand this in the next section.

Toxic Positivity Example

Suppose your friend is going through a bad phase these days and instead of your positive advice and suggestions, he or she wants you to curse the time and speak foul about the circumstances.

In this case, when you show only positivity, it ruins the scenario by spoiling your friend’s mood. 

This is called TOXIC positivity because the person on the other side doesn’t want it and your VERY positive approach develops an unseen wall between you both.

Now, replace your friend with yourself. I bet you would feel the same. That’s why I said before that it puts you in trouble SOMETIMES.

Wanted to know more? Keep scrolling!

How Do Toxic People Behave?

People with toxic positivity try to act very calmly and optimistically in even the worst situations. However, they don’t feel well deep down inside.

Also, they make the condition bearable by building false walls of happiness which still can cause harm to their mental condition.

For some, toxic positivity is not real while for others, it is the only way of living a happy life. To understand it more, we need to comprehend a few more things like gaslighting and how it relates to toxic positivity.

What is Gaslighting?

It is a form of psychological abuse where a person loves sowing seeds of doubts in others by questioning their perception, sanity, memory, and judgment. The gaslighters manipulate people in a way that the person being abused never gets a hint of it.

This is somewhat a personality trait that is profoundly adopted by Narcissists, leaders, and dictators. Not only this, those who experience gaslighting always feel anxious and perplexed.

In simple words, when you repeatedly accuse someone about something, they would start undermining themselves and perceiving if it is actually true. Hence, it hits the person’s “self-confidence.”

Gaslighter Aim: The more seeds of doubts, the easier it would become to control the victim's acts and other situations.

The gaslighter always cultivates doubts in the victim’s mind by saying random stuff. Some of the examples are given below.

Gaslighting Examples:

You are forgetful – the continuous use of such sentences makes the person believe it (though, the case is different)

I don’t understand what are you saying – it is said mostly to avoid being indulged in the conversation.

It would be another crazy idea you have got from your buddies – This phrase challenges the credibility of a person and is often used to divert the attention or change the topic.

Stop acting crazy – In case you are excited about something or maybe going through aggression on some right thing, the gaslighter would use this statement as it will arise a question in your mind that if you really had acted like crazy?

Personal Example:

There was a person I know who used to question my positivity every now and then by creating doubts in my mind, too.

No matter what I do, the person always put me in thoughts like if a thing was done correctly or not. My sanity and my credibility were challenged and as a result, my self-esteem and confidence got shattered.

Now let’s move to the connection between toxic positivity and gaslighting.

Is Toxic Positivity Gaslighting?

I hope the concept of gaslighting is clear to you. Besides, you might be thinking about how gaslighting interrelates with toxic positivity. Right?

As we conversed before, gaslighting is a manipulation tactic to overcome own flaws by questioning and creating doubts in others.

For instance, when we say

🔹 Everything happens for a reason

🔹 It’s not a big deal

🔹 Don’t worry it will work out for a good.

🔹 Just look on the brighter side

🔹 It’s a blessing in disguise

We actually control others’ minds and gaslight them. Nevertheless, these sentences are being said with positive intention (somehow). But, in reality, these examples of toxic positivity are a form of unintentional gaslighting.

Furthermore, when both toxic positivity and gaslighting merge, they fill up the ‘gaslighter’s heart’ with racial prejudice. We all know pride and prejudice are considered the bad traits of all time.

So, in any case, both gaslighting and toxic positivity, when going hand-in-hand, create a huge mess in a person’s life.

Is Too Much Positivity A Bad Thing

Seeing the positive side of the story is another thing, but the people with toxic positivity when become too much optimistic forget about the real situation and how to deal with fearful circumstances. Even more, they forget about the consequences they have to face later.

Hence, it’s bad and ruins mental peace. The toxic positivity aids in losing a touch with reality by making you inauthentic. More to that, it can distance you from others (and I bet you probably don’t want this).

How To Deal With Toxic Positivity

Just like you deal with toxic people and toxic relationships, you may need the same level of stamina to overcome toxic positivity. Check these tips:

✅ Never ignore hearing your feelings and better apprehend them by sitting with them only.

✅ Keep your emotions to yourself and try to understand others, too. Everyone goes through different situations, so their mindset and vision are different from yours. Accept them. Live and let live.

✅ Don’t shame anyone for their emotions.

✅ Sometimes, if you want to cry, CRY. Sometimes, it’s okay not to be okay.

✅ Be realistic and whatever happens, acknowledge it.

You can feel sad or happy at any time to avoid toxic positivity.

✅ Start recognizing the messages related to “too much positivity.”

✅ When not in the mood, you are free to spree, like if you want to take a break from social media. Surely, you can and nobody can question you for that. (Your life – Your choices.)

What Can I Say Instead Of Toxic Positivity?

Some sentences which are AT LEAST better than “positive vibes only” are:

✅ I find you stressed out. Do you want my help?

✅ I am all ears, say up what’s bothering you.

✅ It must be hard for you to bear the pain, please let me know If I can help.

Use such sentences rather than “be positive” or “look at the bright side” type of phrases which may definitely increase the anxiety level.

My Verdict

Hopefully, this article would help you find out if this toxic positivity is present in you or not. However, in my belief, it can possibly be seen in every person one way or the other. All we need to do is to tackle the situation by conquering the toxicity our positivity can bring.

Before leaving, let me know in the comments how did you like this content?

Happy Reading!